“I’ve already failed at my New Year’s Resolution. Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

New Year’s Resolutions are wonderful in concept. The changing of the calendar gives people the impetus (and the justification) for a fresh start at the gym, or in their love life, or at school or work.

Unfortunately, simply declaring that you will do something does not mean that you’re going to get it done. For a resolution to stick, you need to build infrastructure around it. If your resolution newyearsresolutionsis to get in shape, you just can’t say “ok, I’m going to go to the gym every day no matter what.” and then march bravely into the sports club you just joined. You will go that first day. You may go that second day. But if you skip a day because you’re sore or tired or life gets in the way, you’ll lose that fire quickly. The resolution falls apart and you’re stuck with a gym membership you’re not using and a demoralizing sense of failure.

So how precisely do you keep a resolution? Continue reading

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The Advice Men

Since Guyspeak.com’s untimely demise, I’ve been writing advice for a new website:

The Advice Men

It’s good. So’s the advice. You’re welcome, America.

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Sense and Serpability – Shelving It

Hey team,

I’ve been getting asked where the profound and life-changing advice has been for the past couple of months. Well, it’s on the shelf for now. I’ve put my spurs away and will only take them down again when America truly needs my brand of justice.

In the meantime, if you want some good quality love advice, go to GuySpeak. Those guys do fine, fine work.

Be safe, all. I’ll see you again, in your darkest hour.

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Sense and Serpability – April 27

Wow, long time no see. Looks like you’re all doing well. I’ve only got time for one letter this week, so I’ll pick today’s! Here we go – Sense and Serpability time!

Friday – A man has been living with his girlfriend for five years, but the pressures of a recent move to Boston and a job search has caused him to become condescending and cruel to her. She has seen a counselor and is asking for space, and this has been very difficult for him. He has a job now and wants to propose, but isn’t sure what to do.

LW, there’s a life lesson here. The first is that you shouldn’t move somewhere unless you have $20,000 in spare cash or a job waiting for you. Nothing compounds the stress of unemployment quite like not having an friends or family in the area. You clearly weren’t able to keep this aspect of your life compartmentalized from the rest of it. The anxiety over your career prospects manifested itself in you being a reprehensible jerk to the only ally you had – your loving girlfriend. It’s a wonder she’s stayed with you at all. What I recommend is that you tuck the idea of getting engaged away for at least another year. You need to rebuild her trust in you, replenish your bank account and develop a social network in Boston. Do those things, and be on your best behavior, and maybe she’ll see you as the man both you and her want you to be. Good luck.

Fondly, Sense and Serpability

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Sense and Serpability – March 30

I spent a day on the road, America, and I am weary. So weary, in fact, that I only have the strength for today’s letter. So let’s get to the Sense and Serpability pronto, so that I can go lay down.

Friday – A 30 year old man is dating a 26 year old woman, and due to the man’s refined tastes, their dates generally cost between $150 and $250 each. Though he can pay, he is growing frustrated that she never offers to pay (or takes him to a less expensive place and then pay) or says thank you. He isn’t sure how to bring up the topic.

LW, if you’re dropping $200 per date and going out on four dates a week, that mean’s you’re dropping $800 of post-tax income on this lady a week. Multiply by 52 and that means your annualized girlfriend spending is $41,600 a year. LW, I will date you for that much. What’s your number? I will hit you up. Seems like you want to party. If you want to keep dating women, though, I suggest dumping this one immediately. Don’t ask her to explain herself, don’t ask her for a thank you or a sandwich. Just break up with her and when she asks why, tell her why. Ingrates should pay the price for rudeness. She’ll be much nicer to the next rich guy she dates.

Fondly, Sense and Serpability

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Sense and Serpability – March 16

It is grey in Boston today. And it is grey in the hearts of the lovelorn. Thankfully, a brilliant ray of sunshine is bursting through the cloud cover, in the form of Sense and Serpability! Let’s learn to love again.

Monday – A 22 year old man has recently been contacted by three of his ex-girlfriends, and he has varying degrees of interest in each. He still has feelings for one, but is very interested in understanding why the other two reached out to him as well. He’s curious about how to proceed, since the advice he’s getting from friends include suggestions like “don’t talk to them” or “treat them they way they treated you in the past.”

LW, three different ex-girlfriends reached out to you over as many weeks? Did you just score an inheritance or something? Continue reading

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Sense and Serpability – March 9

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there, internet. Come in and make yourself comfortable. I was about to have a fireside chat about love, so you’re just in time. Can I offer you a cocktail? It’s my own recipe. I call it the Sense and Serpability.

Monday – A woman is dating a divorced man who shares custody of his children with his ex-wife. The ex-wife is recently remarried and everyone gets along quite well, but the woman is concerned at the amount of communication between her boyfriend and this ex. They text multiple times a day and speak at least once and, though most of the conversations are about the kids and nothing more, she is very frustrated.

LW, what the hell is wrong with you? Continue reading

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